Surprise! That’s right folks, back again (and for the entire month of June) we have the wonderful “Phil-in” reviews. Let’s Do this dance!
Punisher: Naked Kill. Writer: Jonathan Maberry Artist: Laurence Campbell.
You know it can’t be good when I criticize this before I ever get to Ultimatum. I’m still stuck on “Ennis was the best Punisher writer” syndrome, and this is not helping me get passsed that at all. The problem is really the story itself. It’s about a human trafficking porn ring where the ladies are murdered on camera by a man known as “eleventhree” (all one word, referring to length and width). It could be played for laughs based on the ridiculousness, but it goes straight and basically takes itself too seriously. Just… not any good. At all.
Ultimatum #4 (of 5): Writer: Jeph Loeb Artist: David Finch.
Remember what I said last time? Just as bad. More useless, meaningless, stupid death combined with mediocre art. This is the way the (Ultimate) world ends. Not with a bang, but a crappy 5-issue mini. (Ha, I sound cultured when I refer to English Literature.)
Ultimate Spider-Man #133 Writer: Brian Michael Bendis Artist: Stuart Immonen
I’m at the point where the Ultimate titles all make me wanna die inside. This is the last issue before requiem and then Ultimate titles presents super awesome wicked S
pider-man to the ultimate Max volume 2, or something like that. This is a silent issue, which always annoys me (I know, I know) and it is oversized, but just not for me. Quality as ever, but the Ultimate titles have just ruined themselves to the point where I can’t handle it.
House of Mystery #14 Writer: Matthew Sturges Artist: Luca Rossi & Gilbert Hernandez
Worth noting for the 9 pages of Hernandez art (I turned the page and almost blurted out “Random!”). The story itself keeps trudging along, and it’s just not quite what I want. I’m assuming editorial thinks they can’t market a book where people just come into a bar and tell stories, so they have this loose plot that keeps gradually advancing. It’s that plot that’s just wrecking it overall. If this was just two 11 page stories that people in the bar tell with new guest artists every issue, it would be fun. But that’s not what we have, so it’s not fun.
Black Panther #5 Writer: Reginald Hudlin Artist: Ken Lashley
After five issues of sitting around not-quite killing people and not-quite choosing a new Black Panther, I’m done with it. It’s had some cool mystic visuals, but now it just feels like this has been written for a trade. It’s stuck in neutral, with really minimal plot development. For some reason, I find myself wanting it to go somewhere, opening the book, and then sighing sadly when I’m done.
Mighty Avengers #25 Writer: Dan Slott Artist: Stephen Segovia
I really enjoy the way Slott writes Ant-Man (now the Wasp), just the right amount of rage and control needed for the job he has. Other than that, I got nothing. The art is mediocre and sketchy, and I just don’t care about the characters involved. I was nervous that a post-Bendis Mighty Avengers was going to be weak, and that’s exactly what’s turned out. Too bad.
Astonishing Tales #5 (of 6) Writer:Various Artist: Various
Ugh. None of these long stories (Wolvy and Punisher, Iron Man 2020 and Mojoworld) are capable of holding my interest. They are kinda ugly too, regardless of who the artist is. The truly painful one is the Shiver Man short. It’s just a little 6 page thing by Frank Tieri that literally feels phoned in. But since it’s by Tieri, are you surprised?
New Mutants #2 Writer: Zeb Wells Artist: Diogenes Neves
I think that if you grew up reading this, you will enjoy this latest run. It has characters I barely know, doing things that relate to events I don’t know, reminding me of things I haven’t ever seen. In other words, I feel like this title is for the people who grew up with it and the rest of us are just thrown by the wayside. It’s similar to trying to explain DC continuity and having to start in the 80’s with Crisis. If you have the time, patience, and money you can do it, but do you really want to? Not for me, it get my “meh” of the week.
Bang Tango #5 (of 6) Writer: Joe Kelly Artist: Adrian Sibar
And then there is Bang Tango. The Chaykin cover is the best part of this, and it’s all downhill from there. At first I though the whole he-she lover thing was unintentionally hilarious, but now it just makes my brain hurt. The other problem is that it just doesn’t make any sense. The story, mixed with the art, mixed with the “dancing” just blend into this incomprehensible mess. One more issue to go of the “best chick with a wang story of the year!” Eh.
“The” Dan Jacka
