Archie #601 — Writer: Michael Uslan; Pencils: Stan Goldberg; Inks: Bob Smith
This is part two of the six-part “Archie Marries Veronica” story — and, yes, it’s an Elseworlds tale, set after the cast has been through both high school and college (try explaining that to civilians: “Well, it’s not real. Yes, I know none of them are ‘real…'”). It’s also, so far, utterly predictable: he proposes, there’s a little “You’ll always be my best friend” scene with Betty, they get married, he joins the Lodge company and becomes a competent-but-overworked executive, and, at the end of this issue, Veronica announces that she’s pregnant. My guess is that, in four more issues, they’ll have kids going to Riverdale High School. Readers looking for Mad Men-style drama, smoking, drinking, adultery, etc. will, naturally, be disappointed (go back to those Cherry Poptart back issues, kids), and wonder what, exactly, the point of this whole exercise was. Me, too.
Dark Reign: The List: Daredevil #1 (of 1) — Writer: Andy Diggle; Pencils: Billy Tan; Inks: Matt Banning
There’s also an “exclusive” 7-page preview of DD #501, with script by Diggle and art by Roberto de la Torre. None of this is terrible, but nothing stands out, either. In the main story, Norman sics Bullseye on DD, and Bullseye, naturally, blows up a building and kills a bunch of innocent people, and taunts Matt about it, and Matt angsts (stop me if you’ve heard this before…). That’s all that happens, too; the Dark Reign overstory doesn’t move forward a bit. In the preview, Torres gets to draw lots of noir-y panels of DD and the monk guy talking on rooftops in the rain, and posing like gargoyles, and then we see that the Hand guys now have uniforms with little devil horns on the hoods (because, see, they’re working for DD now, get it?) and they look really stupid. Yes, Ed Brubaker and Brian Michael Bendis are both hard acts to follow, and these new guys should be gIven a chance — but don’t think I’ll be picking up DD any more.
M.O.D.O.K.: Reign Delay #1 (of 1) — Writer/Artist: Ryan Dunleavy
A parody book (in case the cartoony cover, and the mere fact that the star is M.O.D.O.K, hadn’t clued you in), and reasonably funny if you like that sort of thing — the opening sequence, with the Big-Head Guy leaving a series of increasingly-desperate messages on Norman Osborn’s answering machine, should raise a chuckle or two, and there are at least a few smiles as he travels to Erie, PA, attends his high-school reunion, and, sort of, becomes a hero. Dunleavy’s clearly having a (brain) blast drawing it, and that helps. It’s $3.99, though, for only 21 pages of story (it feels bigger, but the rest is all ads), and, really, this is the sort of joke that should have been an 8-page backup in a Captain America Annual or the new indie-flavored Strange Tales or something; all the padding and “minion” jokes needed to stretch it to full-comic length weaken the humor.
Vengeance of the Moon Knight #1 — Writer: Gregg Hurwitz; Art: Jerome Opena
Anti-Venom #1 (of 6) — Writer: Zeb Wells; Pencils: Paulo Sequiera; Inks: Amilton Santos
Marvel Zombies Return #3 (of 5) — Writer: Jonathan Maberry; Art: Jason Shawn Alexander
These are being grouped together because they’re all $3.99 Marvel titles, all involving B-level characters/concepts being worked on by newer creators — the exact average of the Marvel Universe, in other words. Moon Knight is, what, the eighth attempt to relaunch Marc Spector? In direct contrast to the grittier last attempt, he’s now kinder and gentler — he beats the crap out of bad guys instead of killing them — and the art’s the typical Neal Adamsesque imitation that this Batman-clone hero typically inspires (they also include a reprint of the 1980 Moon Knight #1, with a young Bill Sienkiewicz doing his own line-for-line Adams copy). It has appearances by Norman Osborn and the Sentry, because, you know, they haven’t been in any other Marvel books this year. Anti-Venom is just our old friend, Eddie Brock, doing his Venom villain-who-thinks-he’s-a-hero schtick with a (sort-of) new name and powers, but the same old rockheaded, psycho approach (it also guest-stars the Punisher, because, of course, he hasn’t been in any other comics this year, either). Zombies is the (sixth? seventh?) go-around for that concept, and, while it’s got a couple of nice, disgusting rotting-Peter-Parker headshots, we’ve seen it all before, too. Both it and Anti-Venom also offer only 22 pages of story, and no back-ups, for your hard-earned $3.99; if readers would take that money and go spend it on something less generic, we might have fewer books like these on the stands (especially when the Disney auditors show up and start going over the sales figures…).
Phil Mateer
