X-Men: Noir #1 — Writer: Fred Van Lente; Artist: Dennis Calero
A rookie police officer (whose father is also a cop) and his older partner investigate the murder of a young woman in 1920s NYC; it’s slowly revealed that the system is corrupt, and that the city is actually controlled by the rookie’s father and his cronies. That’s a typical film noir plot; the “X-Men” part is that this is an Elseworlds story — or whatever the Marvel equivalent is — and that all the characters are familiar: the corpse is Jean Grey, while the rookie’s father, Magnus, is… well, you can figure it out. It’s all OK, with suitably shadowy art; no one seems to have any powers, but that may just be the writer being coy in this first issue. Older readers may get a kick out of figuring out all the connections — the older partner’s first introduced as “Dukes,” and then we find out his first name is Fred, and so, aha, “J. Fred Dukes” in Marvel continuity is the Blob, one of Magneto’s original Brotherhood of Evil Mutants (and look! There’s Gambit! And Banshee!). For me, though, that’s the disadvantage of Elseworlds stuff — everyone has to get shoehorned in, all the references have to match up, and the story eventually collapses under its own weight. Given all of that, however, I have to admit that this isn’t a bad first issue, and might bear watching.
Crossed Sketchbook #1 — Artist: Jacen Burrows
Welcome to Avatar rip-off week: here, we have 16 pages of black-and-white Jacen Burrows art for the Crossed series — covers, promo stuff, etc., all things that we’ve already seen — and no supporting material; for this, Avatar is asking $3.99. Why? Because they think you’re suckers. Don’t prove them right.
Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the 8th Grade #1 — Writer: Landry Q. Walker; Artist: Eric Jones
As the title may suggest, this is a younger-readers, TV-cartoon-type take on the Girl of Steel; the first issue gets her to Earth, and sets her up in a secret identity as she struggles to fit into junior-high school (talk about feeling like an alien…). It’s inoffensive and sometimes funny, although older readers will probably be put off by the very cartoony, bighead style and the exceedingly lightweight plot; still, it’d make a good stocking stuffer/entry-level comic for any little kids on your holiday shopping list.
Haunted Tank #1 (of 5) — Writer: Frank Marraffino; Artist: Henry Flint
A Vertigo update of the venerable war series, set during the initial invasion of Iraq in 2003. It’s got a refreshing sense of humor for a Vertigo title, and one plot twist that’s amusing at first, but threatens to get run into the ground very quickly (I won’t reveal it, although the cover practically gives it away). Fans of the original title might bridle at the way old Jeb Stuart gets played for laughs — and at how, as a ghost, he’s able to actually influence the physical plane (something that I don’t think he could do in the old stories, but am frankly too lazy to go research right now) — and it’s doubtful this could last as an ongoing title, but five issues seems just about right.
Punisher Xmas Special #1 — Writer: Jason Aaron; Artist: Roland Boschi
Aaron, who’s been juicing up the current Ghost Rider with his over-the-top grindhouse sensibilities, takes a shot at Frank Castle. Just like the kind of knockoff B-movies this is based on, the story makes little sense in the cold light of day, and the Christmas Story references get layered on with a trowel — but, in the dark theater of the reader’s mind, and with the right what-the-hell mindset, it has its cheap-thrill moments. If you buy it, get the Bachalo alternate cover, with the Punisher blowing away a horde of demonic elves. It has nothing to do with the story, but its combination of sex, humor and casual, massive violence pretty much sums up the book.
Superman/Supergirl: Maelstrom #3 (of 5) — Writers: Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray; Artist: Phil Noto
The two Super leads are on a planet where they’re powerless, fighting various monsters; meanwhile, a new Darkseid minion gears up to, at some point, actually confront them. Noto can deliver good work on, say, a Vertigo title — he’s not bad at grubby realism, and some of his alien designs are OK too — but on superheroes he’s hopeless; his Superman is just ugly, and most panels with costumed characters in them simply don’t work. The story itself just sits there, limp and uninspiring; it’s a hacked-out DC mini-series with low sales and no reason to exist, and that’s really all that’s left to say about it.
Iron Man/Hulk/Fury #1 — Writers: Paul Tobin/Frank Tieri/Joe Caramagna; Artists: Ronan Cliquet/Salva Espin/Hugo Petras
Three connected stories using the movie versions of the characters — in fact, the Iron Man offering takes place right before the movie begins, and then jumps to the very end (it reads like two of those “extra,” deleted scenes you get in a DVD version of a film). The Hulk offering has Bruce Banner and Nick Fury (he’s the Samuel Jackson version, of course) meeting in a bar, while the Fury solo is a quick-and-dirty spy tale. OK stuff, I guess, especially if you care about the Marvel Movie Universe, although if you try to fit any of it into the regular comics continuity your head will explode. It’s also worth noting because I read the second story, and, while I didn’t particularly care for it, I wasn’t actively repelled by it either: Frank Tieri, take a bow….
Phil Mateer
