Ultimates 3 #2 — Writer: Jeph Loeb; Artist: Joe Madureira
Marginally less stupid than the first issue, but it still feels like an early- ’90s Image book (not surprising, given the creative team), with lots of characters running around and screaming and punching, and art that’s more concerned about looking kewl and selling on eBay than about telling a smooth story. Much dialogue is spent trying to patch holes from the previous issue (like why Thor’s suddenly speakething like an illiterate Elizabethan) and the overall impression is of a slapdash grab for your money. In fairness, 12-year-old fans will think it is kewl, and there’s a primitive energy running through it that helps to zap it along, but the difference between Millar’s Cap saying “You think this A stands for France?” and Loeb’s Sabretooth screaming “Suck it!” (followed by a prim Cap lecture on how language like that is tearing apart the moral fiber of the country — while he’s punching him) — tells you all you need to know about the relative sophistication of earlier volumes of this series as compared to this current one.
Young Avengers Presents #1 (of 6) — Writer: Ed Brubaker; Penciler: Paco Medina; Inker: Juan Viasco
Not bad, as Patriot and the distaff Hawkeye team with Bucky Barnes (who’s, fortunately, completely in character, thanks to Brubaker). Action plus theme (what it means for a young black kid to call himself “The Patriot,” with some fatherly advice from Barnes channeling Steve Rogers) equals effective storytelling; if I cared about the Young Avengers, I’d have bought this book — and if you care about them, you should get it.
Grimm Fairy Tales #20 — Writers: Ralph Tedesco and Joe Tyler; Pencils: Mark Dos Santos
This title’s early issues do very well on the back-issue market, but don’t be fooled into thinking it’s because of the story or art: they offer violence and T&A for horny 13-year-olds, and little else. This issue doesn’t even offer much of that, and the incomprehensible story and barely-professional art sure can’t generate any interest without it.
New World Order #1 — Writer: Gustavo Higuera; Art: Giuseppe De Luca
How not to attract readers for your first issue: hit them with pages and pages of infodump, involving lizard people, red-robed priests, ancient cosmic conspiracies (involving helpful picture-book illustrations), and other Illuminati-level complexities; mix it with mediocre art and story by creators they’ve never heard of. The result? A book that fans will pick up, flip through, attempt to read, and then, their eyes glazed over, put right back on the rack.
Iron Man #25 — Writers: Daniel and Charles Knauf; Artist: Rob De La Torre
Marvel wants an extra buck for this, but the actual story is the same 21 pages as ever — the rest is filler: previews for the movie and the new Adi Granov mini-series, a three-page origin reprint from Iron Man Vol. 1 #1, a three-page article on Iron Man’s various armors, and a bunch of ads. The main story doesn’t even wrap up the current plot — it reveals that the Big Villain is exactly whom we all thought it would be (because he’s exactly whom the Big Iron Man Villain always is), and sets up a fight for next issue. No, thanks.
Countdown to Final Crisis #14 — Writers: Paul Dini with Tony Bedard; Story Consultant: Keith Giffen; Art: Pete Woods, Tom Derenick and Wayne Faucher
All about the fight on Earth-51, as Jason teams with that earth’s Batman (and takes a name familiar to Kingdom Come fans), and Superman-Prime gets ticked at Monarch. You know, if they’d spent three or four issues leading up to this stuff, instead of 37, we’d all be talking about how exciting it was — but to fans who’ve bought every single book ($3 times 37… $111, plus tax), the payoff just isn’t enough.
Clockwork Girl #2 (of 4) — Writers: Kevin Hanna and Sean O’Reilly; Art: Grant Bond and Kevin Hanna
This appears about a year after the first issue, so it’s hard to remember what happened previously — but I’d swear it’s practically the same story. Maybe it’s because the Romeo-and-Juliet-only-with-beast-boys-and-robots plot seems repetitive anyway. Pretty, animation-style art, but this is the kind of thing that’s best bought as a trade, with a complete tale instead of these unsatisfying, dimly-remembered little chunks of narrative.
Authority: Prime #4 — Writer: Christos Gage; Artist: Darick Robertson
Semi-decent fight scene (although it’s continued into the next issue), and the Robertson art helps considerably, but it’s still a bunch of characters and backstories that we all stopped caring about a long time ago, and “semi-decent” just doesn’t seem enough to justify getting involved with these people again.
Phil Mateer
